KBYE

The alphabet’s letter “K” must be really special, people are just so in love with it.  Take my mom as an example, I send her texts randomly whenever I feel like it, could be the cheesy “Ma, I love you”, the overly used “I miss you ma, wa nako’y kwarta”,  or the random-nonsensical-attention-grabber “Ma, gwapo ko. kbye”. It’s funny how I usually get the same reply, “K” just “K”, I even told her one time “Ma, there are 25 other letters in the alphabet” but of no surprise, I still got the ever loved “K”. I, later on, got used to it. I’m no Einstein but if ever my mom asks me to create her an Instagram account, I’ll surely place on her bio “Consistency is the K”.

Hilarious, but I wish life was as smooth and easy as the aforementioned conversation. I wish for all my questions to be answered promptly, and I wish for them to end “okay” consistently. But who am I kidding? Life’s not black and white; it’s a mad Jackson Pollock painting, abstract and colorful. Our questions are not always answered the way we always want it to be, may it be how, where, or when.

Ever since I joined Lingkod, I’ve been constantly asking myself two questions; should I be here? And do I belong here? I’ve been waiting for a solid answer, but with no luck. So I constantly convince myself that the answers were all affirmative. Yes, I should be here and Yes, I belong here. Come February 2017, tables turned, everything got blurry, I felt like a dead man walking. My worries, problems, and frustrations ate me whole. I decided to leave Lingkod, triggered with the small voice inside my head that kept saying “Leave! The community’s better off without you”, and I was convinced. I’ve been told by others that I have a gift when I talk, people listen and for reasons I don’t know, I’m able to influence others, but instead of using such for His greater good, here I am using it otherwise. I bring people to pubs, convince people to ditch work, encourage a drinking spree. I’m not proud, but man, I was successful in doing so. I then realized that I’ve been creating a path in contrary to His’, hence the said decision.

God plans ahead and His plans are always better than ours. After a week of intentionally not replying to texts, declining calls, and invitations from my brothers, God woke me up from a heavy sleep, literally and figuratively. I attended two Lingkod events that I had no plans of going, more like sleepwalking, Christian Sexuality Course, and Regional Leader’s Retreat. The former removed my worries; it made me feel like a hungry crying baby being fed with food to the tune of a train’s choo-choo! but instead of food, it was Matthew 6:25-34. The latter was most unexpected, you’re probably asking why I attended such, I know I’m no leader and I’m way too far from being one but our God is grand, He’ll use all means just to deliver, may it be a random stranger or your closest friend, planned or unplanned events, everything. It taught me that even God considered himself not just a shepherd but as a lamb too. I am His sheep, restless, directionless, stubborn, and everything in between, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t belong with His herd. I’m no saint, I sin, but He is my Father, I am His son, therefore, I should be with Him.

          Things are clearer now, our God definitely delivers. So whatever the question that is bothering you right now, don’t let go, let God. Lend Him your eyes and ears; for He answers not with just “K”, it varies, simplest to grandest.

         And hey! If you happen to be reading this and have asked yourself the same questions I had, please know that I’m not really a writer, I don’t do this often, and yet here you are, reading.

Job 35:4-5, I will answer thee, and thy companions with thee. Look unto the heavens, and see, and behold the clouds which are higher than thou.

About the Writer:

Angelo "Quino" Bravo, hails from Ormoc City. He joined Lingkod-Cebu last Driven Series 2016.